If you want the best advice for surviving a long haul flight, you may need to read a different blog, because this is not that.
We took Delta’s longest flight from Atlanta to Johannesburg, South Africa, on Friday night. It was flight planned as 8439 miles, 15 hours and 2 minutes, and it came in at 15 hours and 2 minutes. It’s like they’ve done it before.
We had five hours to kill in ATL, so we used our fancy Priority Pass membership that came with our Chase card. Do not run out and get this card for the lounge access, I repeat, do not.
We had access to The Club at ATL. We had to sign up on a waiting list to get in, and got called at 6 pm. So, while waiting, we had $16 drinks at the bar outside the lounge. They had no Aperol in ATL, so wine it was, and it was not bad. I did not say good.
Once in the lounge, we made the mistake of expecting some sort of dinner. Dinner consisted of some dry mystery meat sandwiches and some sort of cole slaw that appeared to be mayonnaise based, and had been sitting out for an undisclosed amount of time. Also some cookies that looked like crumbled rejects from the Mrs Field’s factory.
We were heading to Africa, so in order to prepare our stomachs of steel for worm sampling, we just went for it. The mystery meat turned out to be turkey and the cole slaw didn’t kill us. Found some Aperol, but apparently no club soda in ATL, so had an Aperol Spritz without the spritz. I guess that’s just an Aperol? And some more not bad wine. So if you’re counting, that’s three drinks.
Leaving SDF
Random stranger getting “dinner” in The Club
We boarded the flight, gave out our customary flight crew gifts, i.e. three bags of individually wrapped candy we purchased at the airport because we didn’t want to lug it from SDF, and found our fancy Premium Select seats. That’s Delta’s premium economy cabin where you get actual silverware, but not an actual bed. They wanted…$14,000…each… for the D1 seats that lay flat. Several people who apparently inherited millions of dollars from a long lost great aunt were happy to get those.
We left the gate at 10 pm, right on time. They immediately came around with the drink cart and I had some bourbon cream over ice. It comes in the cutest little bottles. It was delicious. Delta is semi-famous for their bourbon cream, which is actually Buffalo Trace’s, but they rent enough of it to keep the passengers happy.
Then came dinner at 1130 pm. The food on the flight is actually pretty good, and I always order gluten free meals because….gas on flights cannot be a good thing, and you don’t want me to eat pasta or bread and sit next to you. We had chicken, green beans, and some fruit.
Next came the drink cart, and you guessed it…wine. Strictly to help me sleep, so mind your business. Yes, that’s five drinks, and your liver may be upset at this, but mine has been in training for a number of years.
Waiting on the bourbon cream
Yummy!
We actually got some decent sleep, surprisingly. I dozed off and on until 0730, when they came by with some coffee. Now we all know not to drink the coffee on airplanes, because the spout where they fill the water tanks is right next to the spout where they drain the lavatories. So, in order to mitigate any water germs, I just threw some bourbon cream in my coffee…twice, because she offered it, and since I’m nice I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
We still had about five hours to go at this point, so I watched Wicked. Is it just me, or did anyone else want to kill GA-linda??? Even after she turned all nicey-nice. Whatever…
After our second dinner, because we had been on this airplane for what seemed like three days, they finally landed that big ole bird at the end of 15 hours, and I took a video so I could add “She’s coming in 1230 flight, her moonlit wings reflect the stars that guide me toward salvation…” to my Insta post. Yes, this GenXer finally broke down and got Insta when I launched this website. So I guess I’m an influencer now…:)
Just so we’re clear, Toto’s Africa has long been one of my most favoritest songs. I have to hear it on my Yacht Rock accompanied Ketamine infusions, or it’s just not the same experience. And you want me to keep having those infusions because…mental health.
Actual dinner
All my flight goodies
So that’s how you survive Delta’s longest flight.
We spent the night in the Anew hotel in Pretoria, met our tour group, and are now back at the airport awaiting our flight to Victoria Falls. I hope to have some inter-webs occasionally on this trip so I can tell you how to survive hippopotami.
